Return to site

Lost in the Sea of New

Finding yourself in the new year

Every year people, you, me and most everyone takes a shot at setting some New Year Resolution. Every year bloggers, self-help and retailers try to market to the best way about how to achieve or maintain and keep your promise to whomever the resolution is set.

For me most years the resolution isn't really set by me in a sense that on January 1st I know exactly what that resolution will be, it kinda rolls up on me by about the third week of January when I realize that it might be a good target to aim my efforts.

This is about the time most resolutions have already failed...

In the past the most successful resolutions for me have been a result of putting systems in place. Everything from meal prep to finances to fitness goals. I managed to accomplish some great things with a little help with both a simple framework and simple discipline.

So here we are heading into the first full week of 2019 and I don't know yet what my resolution will be.

Last year at this time I was ramping up to take an online workshop with Seth Godin and the amazing group of people that contributed to the altMBA. That was really my "soul" goal at the time was to finish the workshop. Out of the workshop I ended up with a few more goals that I didn't even realize I wanted and I smashed them ALL. Last year was an amazing ride with ups and downs and this year I am feeling like I need to "top" last year. I am building a list of things I need to do in order to feel better about this upcoming year. I am cranking down on my own ratchet which is causing a bit of anxiety.

I'm not freaking out yet just observing and reflecting

The questions that are now part of my everyday life (thank you altMBA)...

What are the goals for?

Who are the goals for?

What am I afraid of?

I'm going to start with the hard one or the easy one. I am afraid of failure and rejection. Last year with all of its glory I experienced some rejection which I absorbed as a failure. I was flying high and then the project was rejected. It was a project that was very near and dear to my heart and I am still having trouble with the rejection of the project.

If I look back the project was one of the biggest risks I have ever taken. I was working purely from the heart. I had high expectations and then they were squashed. The gem from this experience is that I had never worked on something like this before it was waaaay out of my comfort zone. This rejection I took irrationally personal. It colored all other interactions.

"Everyone" is against me. "No one" likes my ideas.​

In truth, it wasn't this one rejection that had set these thoughts into action. These thoughts are a part of EVERYONE'S daily life.

I was hiding.

I finally had real proof that my thoughts are correct...I really do suck.

I heard somewhere that your mind wants to be "correct" over being "happy". In many of Seth Godin's publications he talks about "dancing with fear" and "embracing the tension" of whatever you are doing just might not work OR it might work. Being able to live with either outcome is what he is really talking about.

When I say live with EITHER outcome I mean live in a way that neither outcome should affect your mental capacity to continue working and creating. We are never done creating and if we are...then we are done with living.

^^^ that reflection felt really good to write down

On to the next question: what are my goals for?

Well, goals help provide guidance and focus on what I want to achieve. I currently have a task list of activities and not really an overall goal for 2019. While achieving this task list of things to check off might get me to point "A" or "B" or "R" or "Z" it's the journey that counts.

Who you become on the way to "B" is different on you become on the way to "R".

I suspect as I think about this a bit more I can connect the dots and formulate a "2019 Vision" for myself that is bigger than the individual activities that I can achieve. This all ties back to my fear because hiding changes who I become on the journey and how far I can go.

Finally: who are the goals for?

If I'm honest some of my goals (activities) are to impress other people or at least try to impress others. We have absolutely no control over how others will respond. The goals should be for me and my vision. I believe I have heard this described as finding your "WHY".

I heard something on the Magnificent Mrs. Maisel tv series that resonated with me and I'm betting it resonates with the world.

I don't mind being alone, I just don't want to be insignificant.​

Maybe my work isn't for the now maybe it's for the future when I'm no longer here sitting behind my keyboard. Maybe I will never see the big big picture but really I only need to create no matter the outcome. I need to create to feel significant to really live. I need to live in order to create. Hiding doesn't serve me or you or the future. Even if right now I am feeling lost in the New Year...I know that truly...

Nothing makes you feel better EXCEPT doing the work.

Cheers to 2019!